Dream Buzz

Even though physical attraction was probably what hooked you from the get go, you might have to admit Mom was right about this one. Once you get over the initial attraction, as much as you’d like to think otherwise, it’s what’s on the inside that counts. We’re not saying that looks don’t matter, because hey, no one wants to date a grenade…but finding someone with a mug that rivals Brad or Angelina’s, and has the brains to back it up, isn’t always easy.

 

That’s why we’ve simplified things. We already know you can pick the good-looking ones for yourself, so we’ve compiled a list of the biggest personality turn-ons and turn-offs so you can avoid or acquire the ones you want:

 

Confidence vs. Insecurity – Being sure of yourself is always a turn-on. No one wants to date someone who can’t even decide what they want off a dinner menu, let alone if they want a second date. Get your grit on, or move on.

 

Intelligence vs. Senselessness – It might have been cute in primary school to play dumb, but serious intelligence is way sexier than being a bimbo…or mimbo, if you’re a dude.

 

Self-Reliance vs. Dependency – Beyoncé had it right the first time; independent ladies rock… and independent men too, for that matter. It’s your life, so get a job, move away, fall in love and get out of your parent’s basement for goodness sake!

 

Live Volcano vs. Dead Fish – Everybody can see you’re good lookin’ but if you can’t carry on a conversation you might as well go out alone. **Keep the conversation rollin’** and make sure your fabulous personality shines through.

 

Courteous vs. Rude – You can tell a lot about a person by the way he or she treats a waiter. A date who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, or to anyone, is a massive red flag. Rudeness is never excusable. A little bit of common courtesy takes you a long way. Maybe even all the way to date two.

 

In the end, aim high and never settle for less. Keep your eyes peeled for those movie star look-alikes, build your dream date and hope that once you get to know them, they have a dreamy personality to match. I mean, who wouldn’t want to date someone that’s the total package?

 

Most of us have skimmed the book and we’ve all seen the movie. We should all be very aware of the telltale signs by this point but I still find ladies with their heads in the clouds when it comes to those they choose to date... or text. Most posts on this subject deal with how to know when you’re actually dating but so much of the game, in this day and age, happens before the face to face even happens. For that reason, we’ll focus on what goes down from the first meeting/number exchange to the next hang out sesh... if there is one. 

 

1. His texts back are short and to the point 

 

He’s too nice to just leave you hanging but he’s not into it enough to keep the conversation going. When you ask how his week is going and he says, “Good.” - don’t take that as an open invitation to tell him how your week has been. He didn’t ask. He doesn’t care. 

 

2. He contacts you last minute...every time

 

He either doesn’t care enough to make plans ahead of time or thinks of you as a convenient option when his plans fall through. Nice right? No. Whether it’s a 1am text or a call to make plans in 30, don’t wait by the phone. You have things to do- so go out and do them. If he’s smart and actually wants to hang out, he’ll make an effort to request your presence ahead of time. 

 

3. He doesn’t initiate a hang out...ever

 

Most guys are traditional enough to know it’s their job to initiate a date. “But he texts me all the time,” you say. You know what I say? Wake up. Your relationship only exists in the cyber world so unless you’re looking for a virtual relationship, take a hint. 

 

4. The drag time is a drag 

 

When you’re hanging out, he can’t go 5 minutes without looking at his phone but when you contact him -  crickets. Either he’s busy (fingers crossed) or he just doesn’t care enough to respond in a timely manner. A few hours or a workday is one thing but days should tell you something. 

 

Sorry for the harsh reality ladies. Certainly there are exceptions to these rules but err on the side of caution. We all know that there’s nothing worse than a stage 5, let alone a stage 12 clinger, so sack up, get the hint and move on. 

 

"Why?” “Why??” “But WHY???” The countless “Whys” of childhood have tried many adults’ patience throughout time. Toddlers have inquisitive minds that are expanding and showing endless curiosity about the world. The concept of cause and effect is being understood; that there’s a reason for almost everything. 

 

The “Why?” is not limited to childhood.  As adults, we continue to question. And as soon as we start showing an interest in the opposite sex, we start with a whole new set of “Why?” questions.

 

When we were young, adults didn’t answer every “Why?” question we had. A key strategy for adults was to deflect the question and ask us what we thought the answer was. So ladies, if you get any of the 17 “Whys?” listed here, try this with him. While his answer may amuse you, try not to laugh — his mind is working in amazing ways as he puts together what information he has about the world from his male perspective. Of course, you can help him with an answer based on two “x” chromosomes.

 

17 “Whys” men would like to ask women accompanied by a female response:

1. Male: Why do you say you’ll be ready in 5 minutes and then you’re really ready one hour later?

 

2.Male: Why do you go to the bathroom in pairs?

 

3.Male: Why do you overdress for every occasion?

 

4.Male: Why don’t you understand that I don’t want to go shopping with you?

 

 

5.Male: And on the shopping−Why do you have to have so many shoes?

 

6.Male: Why do you ask us if we think another girl is pretty? We know if we say “Yes” then we’re in trouble.

 

7. Male: Why do you think it’s just girls who like a sense of humor and want someone who can make them laugh?

 

8.Male: Why don’t you like guys that are too nice?

 

9.Male: So why do girls like bad boys?

 

10.Male: Why do you think we are projects you can fix or change? 

 

11.Male: Why do you get so emotional and dramatic?

 

12.Male: Why do I get the silent treatment?

 

13.Male: Why do you always ask what we’re thinking?

 

14.Male: Why do you always think I’m cheating on you?

 

15.Male: Why does your need for sex lessen over time? 

 

16.Male: Why do you fake orgasms? 

 

17.Male: Why does size matter? Or does it?

 

Next time a guy asks “WHY???” ladies, try directing the question back at him. But you can always share an answer from the female point-of-view so that both of you can learn and grow together.

 

We all know that there are dating sites out there that promise to match users on hundreds of levels of compatibility. But how important is it really that your life partner shares your love of khakis, tropical fish, and barbeques? Don’t you think that these levels are getting a little out of hand? We think so, and that’s why we handpicked the top five qualities that stand out above the rest:

 

1) Confidence: A confident partner doesn’t need constant reassurance that everything’s going to be fine. They’re up for new experiences, stand up for their decisions and have a high sense of self-esteem. Pick a confident partner and save yourself from all those anxious text messages making sure that everything is still ok, right?

 

2) Respect: Well this goes without saying, but we’ll say it anyway. Aretha had this one right. RESPECT is the basis of all good relationships. Valuing your partner’s ideas, feelings, and empathizing with them doesn’t make you weak, it makes you a valuable asset and a partner...not a pushover.

 

4) Patience: Say you had a bad day. Your car broke down, you got home late, the tickets wouldn’t print, and you missed the reservation. Getting ripped a new one by your unyielding significant other is not going to help the problem. A little sympathy goes a long way; as does patience. Sometimes it’s better to solve the problem instead of making it worse. Find a partner who cares about you and your feelings. 

 

5) Humor: There comes a point where there’s nothing left to do but laugh. And because you don’t want to look like an idiot, sitting alone at the bar giggling to yourself, it’s better to have a friend to laugh with; not to mention it’s creepy when you’re laughing alone in public. Fights, tantrums, break-ups and even terrible no-good days don’t seem so bad if you’re able to laugh about them in the end. Especially if you’re laughing with the one you love.

 

So about those hundred levels we talked about. Sure, it would be great if your potential life mate shared your passion for fish collecting and grilled meats, but if they don’t have a lick of the five qualities listed here, what’s the point really…..

 

They say that in the workplace the most common day to get fired is on a Friday. In theory, most employers bank on the psychological boost the weekend offers so recently fired employees don’t do anything crazy; a la ‘Office Space’. Yet in reality, we all know that it doesn’t matter what day you get fired; it still stinks. Quitting stinks less.

 

That’s why we recommend, that when the time comes for you to end a relationship, be it work or in your personal life, make sure you’re the one initiating the split. Sure, it may cause you agony in the time leading up to it, and through the tense conversation explaining your need for space, but in the end you can walk away. Doing the dirty work when it needs to be done ensures you won’t be the one huddled around that melting tub of ‘Ben & Jerry’s’, face tear-stained and sweaty, watching reruns of ‘Gilmore Girls’ in your underwear.

 

Man up, or Lady up as the case may be. If you’re mature enough to be part of the dating population, you’re mature enough to know how to breakup properly. Here are our three quick tips for doing the deed as humanely as possible:

 

Respect their Dignity – As much as you may want to rake them over the coals for all the annoying habits they picked up after you started dating, address their virtues and express gratitude for the time you shared. Cheaters notwithstanding; then you can omit the gratitude part altogether.

 

Be Clear – You don’t want to be with them anymore! You want to play the field. Don’t leave any loopholes, any “We can get coffee” or “Sure, we can still be friends,” as a way for them to sneak back into your life. Assuming you may be dealing with a Stage 5 Clinger, you have to be totally clear. Make them understand.

 

Use Firmness – Just like whiskey, your resolve is better stiff. Don’t water it down! Keep your chin up, no matter how angry, sad or mad they may be. Make a point that the relationship can’t be fixed and it’s best that you go your separate ways. Alone. Not with each other. Got it?

 

There you have it. Read, absorb and repeat to yourself. Then cast your line into the dating pool and try your luck again. There are more fish in the sea, as everyone realizes once they come out of a break-up induced fog. You know this already. Congrats on breaking up responsibly! 

 

There is a statement that has been making the social site-rounds for several years now and claims “According to a psychological study, a crush lasts for a maximum of 4 months. If 4 months is exceeded, then you’re in love.” This concept ties love to a timeline and, not believing that such a timeline exists, made it time to search for the study. Several searches for such a study yielded other interesting studies about love but nothing about the time it takes for a crush to become love; if it does become love.  So this lack of a study begs the question: If not time, then what does it take to know that you are in love?

Since we are in Grammy season, we thought it would be fun to look at the six songs nominated for “Record of the Year” and see what romantic dating advice can be derived from them. When you hear about love in a favorite song, it can’t be wrong. Right? 

 

1) “WE ARE YOUNG”/Fun.

“We are young so let's set the world on fire. We can burn brighter than the sun.”  

 

On the surface, these lyrics seem to be about youthful energy and the ability to do anything one wants or can think of. Once, however, you get beyond the refrain, there is a classic dating saga: Guy hurts girl and has apologized because he knows he’s wrong. She’s off to a bar to drink away her sorrows and try to move on. He shows up and wants her back. By the end of the night, he wants to be the one to take her home. “So if by the time the bar closes, and you feel like falling down, I'll carry you home tonight.”

 

The dating advice here: Girl, don’t go home with him. He’s already hurt you and he’s trying to get you back. And you’re not thinking rationally post-alcohol. There is an underlying reason why you fought, had problems and broke-up in the first place.  If he takes you home, and you let him in, it won’t be long before you’re singing Taylor’s "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together."  Sometimes, when newly out of a relationship, feeling lonely and not adjusting quite as quickly as you had hoped to, you romanticize what was, remembering only the best aspects of the relationship, instead of evaluating it more objectively. Your best move of the night was to be in the bar to try and move on.

 

2) “LONELY BOY”/ Black Keys

 “I got a love that keeps me waiting. I got a love that keeps me waiting. I’m a lonely boy. I’m a lonely boy.”

 

The lyrics in this Black Keys song can simply be about a guy who is annoyed because he is being kept waiting by a girl or, and most likely, a guy whose desire is being thwarted because his girl is holding out and he is lonely as a result.

 

The dating advice on waiting: While guys complain about having to continually wait for their ladies, a lack of punctuality can be annoying; but punctuality doesn’t even come close to the top of females’ annoying habits as determined by men. List toppers include crying over what seems like nothing, becoming either too clingy or too independent, and continually asking about males’ exes. Guys just start showing up later to accommodate her lateness and, if she doesn’t like it, she’ll start moving faster in the readying process. You could find yourself back on your schedule. 

 

The dating advice when she might be intentionally holding out: Sexual tension is that desire for her that is somehow thwarted, whether by circumstance, obstacles or by design. In this song, it seems by design. And since guys are known to wait for what they can’t have, you, the lonely guy, waits. Time for you to make your girl feel a slight attachment anxiety like she did in the beginning; that you aren’t dependent on her and can walk away. And you can make her a little jealous. The higher your value in a social market, the more she will be encouraged to keep you happy. You won’t be a lonely boy for long.

 

3) “STRONGER (WHAT DOESN’T KILL YOU)”/Kelly Clarkson

“What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Stand a little taller. Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone.

What doesn't kill you makes a fighter. Footsteps even lighter. Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone.”

 

Ali Tamposi, one of the song’s writers, revealed that the song was inspired by German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche’s quote, "That which does not kill us makes us stronger"; used often by Ali’s mother as advice to her during her youth. Clarkson loved the song and its empowerment theme and felt it representative of her own life.

 

While the song title is cliché, there is a positive dating message here. You can be hurt by a relationship but you can come through the experience stronger, more confident and ready to move on to something better. Hallelujah!

 

4) “SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW”/ Gotye featuring Kimbra

“But you didn't have to cut me off. Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing. And I don't even need your love. But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough. No you didn't have to stoop so low. Have your friends collect your records and then change your number. I guess that I don't need that though. Now you're just somebody that I used to know.”

 

Another classic dating saga: She breaks up with him, and even though he admits he didn't love her enough, he's upset she cut him out of her life completely. She feels this is unfair because she tried to make things work but realizes they didn't work because he could not let go of his prior girlfriend.

 

The dating advice: She was right to leave if he was not yet over an ex. He definitely isn’t ready for a new relationship. He should not want to remain friends post-breakup because a friendship rarely works. Lastly, he needs to sing Clarkson’s song “Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)” over and over until he becomes more confident and ready to move on.

 

5) “THINKIN BOUT YOU”/ Frank Ocean

“When I'm thinkin bout you (ooh, no, no, no). I've been thinkin bout you (you know, know, know).

I've been thinkin bout you. Do you think about me still? Do ya, do ya? Or do you not think so far ahead (ahead)? 'Cause I been thinkin bout forever (Oooh, oooh).”

 

The lyrics explore feelings of love, loss, regret and heartbreak. Ocean published an open letter on his Tumblr blog last summer recounting unreturned feelings he had for someone of the same sex, citing it as his first true love. 

 

Many suspect the song is about Ocean’s bisexuality revelation but “Thinkin Bout You” should be evaluated as a love song and applicable to an experience many have had. One person is truly in love and thinks about a long-term relationship and the other person is just in the relationship for the moment. The person who wants the lifelong commitment will have to meet someone seeking the same. With an ex, you often miss the memories and not really the person. 

 

6) "WE ARE NEVER EVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER"/ Taylor Swift 

“We are never ever ever getting back together. We are never ever ever getting back together.

You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me. But we are never ever ever ever getting back together. Like, ever...”

 

OK, this is obvious. The message is ...they are never ever ever getting back together. But this is about a couple that has broken up and gotten back together on multiple occasions. The truth is, they shouldn’t have gotten back together never ever. There was an underlying problem in their relationship that made them unsuited for each other to begin with (Reread “We Are Young”). Believing once that it could work again might be alright. But attempting reunions multiple times has a high probability of never ever working.

 

As with all Taylor Swift songs, the question becomes who she wrote the song about. At 2012’s iHeart Radio Music Festival, Taylor mentions “Jake” during her performance so all bets are on Jake Gyllenhall as the song’s antagonist. Whoever the ex is, they will never ever get back together. 

 

You can find lessons about love in each of these Grammy-nominated songs. Music is the universal language, and when it comes to love, these songs may contain words you want to hear, or sing along with, when you’re thinking about love; past or present. So which Grammy-nominated song has your favorite love lesson? 

 

So you’re in a place surrounded by singles. You could be in a restaurant, a coffee shop, a tech store or a wedding. You’ve spotted someone that you’d like to meet. Now what?

 

Some people find it challenging to approach a person of interest. If it is easy for you, perhaps it’s because you’ve done it many times and it’s now second nature. Experience helps to gain confidence. The more often you approach people, the more comfortable you become and the easier it becomes. So let’s get started with meeting that person of interest. 

 

The Approach: Approaching the person is more about how you appear physically. Here are the things you need to do.

 

1) Act Natural: You’ve heard the Oscar Wilde line “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”  Don’t worry so much about how you’re going to be perceived that you act in a way that is not you.

 

2) Positive Body Language: Your body language will demonstrate your confidence. Head up; stand up tall; shoulders back. You’re ready for action, or positive interaction. Your head down, arms crossed and body slumped can signify low self-esteem or “leave me alone” and that’s not representative of your wanting to meet someone.

 

3) Look and Listen: Keeping eye contact says that you are interested in this person and what they have to say. Listening without becoming distracted by anyone or anything else also is a sign of interest and engagement. 

 

4) Smile! Smile! Smile: Smiling is infectious and it creates openness during the first few minutes when you want to build rapport. A genuine smile can also be a great confidence-aid. 

 

The Conversation: You are ready to speak. Here are the considerations you need to make.

 

1) Don’t Over-Rehearse: You want to be and sound natural. Remember the “be yourself”.

 

2) No Cheesy One-Liner Openings: A tacky and worn one-liner to begin the conversation is a non-starter. You want your true personality to come through when you talk…and hopefully the most classic cheesy one liner “Do You Come Here Often?” is not you.

 

3) Use an Observation about Your Location: You’re at the bar in a restaurant. You approach and say “Hi. I wanted to come over and say hello.” (It is assumed at this point that he or she will also say hello). “I’ve heard this restaurant has the best Italian food. Have you been here before?”  If your conversation is relevant to the situation, it will seem more natural. You can always talk about food. Everyone likes food.

 

Don’t bring up topics that are too deep or personal. No one wants to know the troubles you’ve had or seen and certainly not in the first five seconds of your meeting.

 

4) Humor and Laughter Help: Humor helps to keep communications light and fun. In addition, there is a sense of connection created and that is what you are looking for; right?

People are often attracted to happy, funny individuals. When you enter a room laughing, it automatically draws others to you, and when you laugh with one another, a positive bond can be created. 

 

5) Don't Be a Close-Leaner: Leaning in too closely when talking with someone for the first time often makes them feel crowded. A better approach is to lean away slightly. This lets a person know that you respect their space. 

 

6) No Physical Appearance Comments: Talk about someone’s appearance can make them uncomfortable, especially upon first meeting. Save the “I fell in love with your eyes from across the room” for a confession down the road.

 

Positive Feedback: You scored big on your approach. You’re feeling good about the interaction. What are some of the signs it’s going well?

 

1) Mirroring of Actions: If you find that the person you’re talking to is mirroring your actions – they drink when you do or lean when you lean– it’s a positive signal that you’ve made it to the like-zone. We adopt the same body language to enhance rapport.

 

2) Body Direction: Since we’re raised to be goal-focused, we often orient ourselves in the direction of what we’re interested in. So is his or her body pointing at you? Way to go! Pointing away from you, on the other hand, is not so good as this is an indication of boredom or annoyance. It might be time to move on.

 

3) A Nod of the Head: If you are talking, and the person you are talking to is nodding their head, this is a sign of interest. Nodding while you are talking is sending approval signals and should be a sign you can keep talking.

 

4) Focus of attention: If the person you are talking to isn’t paying attention to anyone or anything else, there’s a connection. Metaphorically, you have become the only one in the room.  

 

5) Decreasing Personal Space: Initially, you didn’t get too close in order to honor your object of desire. Now, he or she is moving towards you and decreasing the space between you two. And if there is extended eye contact, it could be going very well.

 

6) The Eyebrow Flash: When we first see someone we're attracted to, our eyebrows rise and fall. If they like us back, they raise their eyebrows. The whole thing is over in a fifth of a second. Blink and you’ll miss it. But deliberately extend it for up to a second and you'll increase the chances of them getting the “I’m interested” message.

 

You’ve seen that signs of interest and initial romance are a lot about chemistry. You feel ready to ask for additional time together; perhaps a date? Don't go through life on "what ifs." Give it a shot!

 

If you get rejected, be graceful and on to the next.  Act natural, positive body language and keep smiling. Time to try again.

 

 

If you have resolved to find romance, why not broaden your pool of potential admirers. Take a road often traveled but add a turn or try a road not yet traveled and see what you find. Look at your same old places with a fresh eye. Or try different places to meet new people. Do a little exploring to find new romance possibilities. 

 

You probably have tried the most common ways to meet someone new. Meeting someone through friends is still the number one way to meet a partner. So don’t stop asking your friends…and friends of friends. 

 

The second most popular way to meet someone is online. There are thousands of online dating sites, and many of them are free; so use them. You just have to be interactive and communicate with someone enough times so that you feel comfortable meeting in person. And if you choose to be on dating sites, thanks for checking out iDreamofU.

 

While an obvious location, people say they don’t want to meet someone in a bar or club. Why not? People are your age, out having fun and a club can serve as a place to start to talk. Then see where that first meeting leads.

 

Let’s explore meeting places based on places you already have to be, places you really should be and places you would prefer to be.

 

Places You Have to Be: These are the places you have to be anyway, so keep your eyes open for new dating possibilities.

 

1) Office: So you don’t want to date someone you work with? We can’t blame you. But you do go from the parking lot to an office building and pass the same people from different companies every day. Say “hello” and start a conversation with someone who looks interesting to you.

 

2) Coffee shop: Every morning you stop at the same Starbucks and see the same people. Change your time or change your coffee spot. Surely there’s a hip, indie shop you’ve had your eye on. And when the joke is that there are Starbucks now being built inside of other Starbucks, surely you have other options.

 

3) Work Travel: You find yourself spending too much time in airports. Check out meetattheairport.com to find a fellow traveler. The idea is pretty simple—a stranded passenger looking for love is hooked up with a fellow traveler who happens to be at the same airport at the same time. 

 

4) Market: You have to eat. And maybe you’ve even known someone who has had meeting success in the produce aisle at the market. There are so many markets to explore; from chains to organic specialty markets to week-end neighborhood markets.

 

5) Weddings:  Your attendance at a wedding is a command performance. Make sure you scout the attendees out of interest. But be careful. About one in three people admit they have embarrassed themselves at a wedding reception. Don’t be one of them if love is your end-game.

 

6) Laundromats: If this is your week-end spot, how about ending up with more from the laundromat than clean clothes? Something has to come out of all the time you spend at the folding table.

 

7) Jury duty: Our civic duty is to serve. Why not get an additional good feeling out of doing a public service? Keep your eye on the jury pool when you first arrive. 

 

8) Automotive purchase and repair: You love your car but the idea of going to the dealer or repair shop is never totally pleasant, usually because of the dollars put forth. So why not offset a potential negative experience with one that could have positive results? 

 

9) Hardware stores:  Guys, this is where you might be able to rescue a lady in despair. The Home Depot is not the easiest place for many females to maneuver. For women with tool knowledge, perhaps a male could use your help.

 

10) Tech stores: Have you ever gone to an Apple Store, Microsoft store, Sony store or a Best Buy retail location on the week-end? There is standing room only in the aisles, along with abundant meet-up chances.

 

Places You Should Be: These are places you know you should be going; if all of life’s other responsibilities weren’t keeping you from them.

 

11) Gyms: You like your gym and have committed to a regular work-out routine. But you haven’t met anyone or seen anyone of interest. Always go at night? Change to the morning. And try some of the classes rather than working out on the same equipment. Not only might you meet someone of interest, but you’ll feel and look better as a result.

 

12) Parks for dog walks: OK. You’ve walked your dog around your block hundreds or thousands of times, depending on the age of your dog. The time is now to take your dog to a nearby park. You’ll meet so many new people and you will have something in common; everyone at the park loves their dogs.

 

13) Classes and Workshops: You want to try Bikram yoga. Your best friend has started a comedy workshop and you’re thinking an acting workshop could be fun. There are salsa classes at a studio near your house and a writing class at a nearby community college. Commit yourself to learning something new. You never know who you might meet while you’re gaining knowledge and talent.

 

Places You Want to Be: These are the places you would really prefer to be if you didn’t have the list of have to be and should be places.

 

14) Retail shopping: This is the ladies’ forte so guys, a great place for you to get advice on that new suit for an interview. The number of people you can meet in a store or in common areas, at a mall for example, can yield unexpected but positive results. 

 

15) Neighborhood events: There are block parties in the city, town festivals in the country, markets and garage and estate sales, all within walking or driving distance. Take advantage!

 

16) Clubs and Groups: There are golf, wine, tennis, running, book and clubs of all kinds based on common interests. Want to find clubs and groups near you? Check out meetup.com. There is definitely an opportunity to put club-time on your calendar. You just need to make the time.

 

17) Blood drives:   If you want to donate blood, you are doing a noble thing for a good cause. And you never know who you might meet donating or working at the drive. Sounds farfetched but it happened during an episode of The Office.

 

18) Places of worship and spirituality: Whether you categorize organized religion or spiritual worship as a have to be there, should be there or want to be there, you know you’re surrounded by like-minded people with at least one belief in common. Many men and

women consider yoga and meditation as their own form of religion, and devote time and energy in this direction.

 

19) Community service and volunteering: There are so many opportunities to help others. And an added benefit is to meet someone who has a service-spirit. Check out volunteermatch.org and whether your interest is arts, children, seniors or military, to name just a few, this site can provide direction.

 

20) Events: Concerts, museums, films and art walks in your town or city provide new venues for hook-ups. And now that there are hundreds of reality shows, how about trying out for one if a show is recruiting close to you? Even if you don’t meet the love of your life, you’ll create a lasting memory.

 

21) Vacations: Are you ready for a cold-weather ski trip or a warm-weather beach or golf trip? If you don’t want to go it alone, consider an organized trip to bike, hike, or get a look at a new city. Meeting someone away from home can mean a long-distance relationship but if you like her or him that much, it can be worth the initial distance in the end.

 

If you claim you can’t meet anyone, take action in new directions. You never know where your new journey will take you and who you will meet along the way. 

 

The year has drawn to a close and this is the time when we decide how to become a new and improved version of ourselves. Perhaps you have even made several of the most common resolutions. Lose weight and get fit. Quit smoking. Learn something new. Volunteer. Travel someplace exciting. Eat Healthier. Drink modestly. Get out of debt.

 

But what if what you really want is to change your Facebook status from “single” to “in a relationship?” Resolve to make it happen. Of course finding love isn’t as easy as other resolutions because the control isn’t entirely in your hands; you only have a 50% say. If this is your primary goal, however, there’s no time better than now, when the year is new and you are setting fresh objectives, to make it happen.

 

Before you start to take action to find the person of your dreams, you have to make sure that you will be the person he or she will want to meet.  Make sure you can check off the initial requirements before you take the physical steps to find your dream match.

 

Initial Requirements:

1) Feel Good about Yourself and Like Yourself: It is not that someone can’t love you if you don’t love yourself. But the effects of liking yourself make you more self-confident, powerful, positive, strong and esteemed. Compare this to needy, desperate and weak. We draw to us what we feel. And people like people who like themselves.

 

2) Release Old Baggage: Your past relationships didn’t work out, right? You don’t want to repeat your mistakes but learn from them. You know what you want and what you don’t, so visualize yourself in a happy relationship. Release the past and move on to a new and better relationship.

 

3) Lose any Negativity: “My girlfriend left me. I’m a wreck.” “I’ll never meet anyone.” “Dating depresses me because no one I meet ever likes me.” O.K. How excited would you be about meeting this person if he or she was such a negaholic? Negativity is a habit that can be broken. Thinking before speaking to turn a negative into a positive is a better approach. So “I’ll never meet anyone” becomes “I haven’t met anyone yet but I can’t wait until I do.” We can all choose how we react to life.

 

The groundwork in terms of self-reflection has been laid, so now it is time to take action.

 

Action Steps:

1) Engage More Often: You walk down three city blocks and realize that you have been so deep in thought; you could not describe one person you passed. If you want to meet someone then engage. Make a decision to try and further a relationship beyond the moment. Initiate a conversation with a positive comment. 

 

New York City male dating coach John Keegan made a pact with himself to talk to five new women a day for three weeks and to ask every woman for her phone number. Each time he met a woman, he would say something different. He might comment on her smile, style, or his first impression of her. He set a goal and met 105 women. 

 

2) Broaden Your Pool of Possibilities: Take a road not traveled yet and see what you find. A new gym you heard was good. Salsa classes your friends tell you are fun. Add a dating site to the one(s) you are on (and please include idreamofu.com). Living in a rural area? Have you explored all the activities in nearby towns? Explore is the operative word. Go beyond the same old haunts to find new love possibilities.

 

3) Step Outside of Your Comfort Zone and Type: Your type only determines where your comfort zone currently is. If you’re a girl who only wants a guy who is over 6’2”, has brown hair with an athletic build, time to consider someone who shows an interest in you but does not fit that picture. Give someone an opportunity to show you who they are. Keep an open mind and spend some time talking. Take a chance, try something new and different and see where you end up.

 

4) Give Someone a Second Chance….But Not Many More: So maybe the first date wasn’t so great, but it wasn’t so bad either. Give a person a second chance. But if you find too many faults or dislikes, time to move on. Don’t get too involved thinking things will improve. You don’t want to be saying a year from now that you thought from the beginning that this relationship might not work. 

 

5) Get Specific: Many of the most successful resolution-achieving techniques involve making a plan and sticking to it. So plan your work and work your plan. John Keegan had a definite plan to engage by talking to five women a day for three weeks. He worked his plan. Write down your action plan to meet the person of your dreams.

 

You need a dream before your dream comes true. Then you need to pursue your dream in order to make it happen. The time is now to take action if starting a new relationship and finding love is what you really want.

 

Happy New Year Dreamers!